| 5/8/2005 | |
| Happy First Mothers' Day! | |
| Today Hannah celebrated her first Mothers' Day. We started with a nice breakfast of Mushroom & Cheese Omlettes with snausages, milk, and juice. Julie got her mommy a cool charm for her charm bracelette and a nice card. Daddy, being a cheapo, just got her a card. However he did make her the wonderful breakfast. Julie also got Hannah a big poop. I mean really big. In the middle of her midday feeding Julie's ass exploded prompting her first emergency bath. It was ridiculous. She shit in the diaper, out the side of it, out the back of it, out the leg of it, and actually through it. The cleanup was simply beyond the scope of a wipey. This required soap, water, and a wash cloth. While I did Hazmat duty Hannah went to the grocery store for a few things. After her bath Julie napped in her swing. She fussed a bit due to the incomplete feeding but was more or less quiet. When Hannah returned from the store she decided to take her aerobic walk. She decided to do this without first finishing off Finster's feeding. About twenty minutes after she left Julie awoke and was famished. Figuring that Hannah was going to be back soon I simply placated her with various activites. We read Baby Faces (I think she hates that book; it always evokes lots of screaming). We watched Baby Mozart. We bobbed. Nothing was working. I decided that it was time to intervene with some milk from the fridge. Hannahhas been having on-and-off bouts of milk duct blockages. She was in one this day, so the only bottle in the fridge had about 1/2 an ouce in it. Lovely, that's just enough to piss the baby off for teasing her. I decided to placate some more because a frozen bag would take about half an hour to prepare and Hannah should be home long before that. Placation was simply not going to work. All of my efforts just pissed her off more and more. The shushing aspect of bobbin' usually calms her but now it evoked top-of-the-lung screams. I decided it was time to defrost some milk. Julie just wasn't going to wait any longer. I went to the freezer. There was nothing, fuck. Hannah had also conveniently left her phone at home. So here I am with a baby screaming for something I have absolutely no way of providing with no way to contact the only person capable of resolving the situation. Can you say "hung out to dry"? I can. I paced the house watching the clock; one minute, two minutes, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, where the hell was Hannah? The baby was now very red-faced with hysteria. I declared an emergency and that it had finally come time for desparate measures. I whipped out her bottle our "In Case Of Emergency Break Glass" can of formula mix *gasp*. I don't know if you have ever tried to mix a bottle of formula with a screaming baby in your hands but it doesn't work very well. I placed Julie her in her swing knowing that she couldn't possibly get any more pissed off than she already was. I went back to the kitchen to work out this mixing thing, having never done it before. I actually had an irrational sense of fear in preparing it. I guess all of the breast feeding propaganda has made me think of formula as poison. Anyway I had just gotten the requisite amount of mix into the vessel when I heard the door open. Halleluiah, Hannah had decided to grace us with her presence. Interestingly, during the brief period when I was in the kitchen preparing the faux-milk Julie had calmed herself down. So here is Hannah looking at my "desparate" situation and seeing a quiet baby and her freaked out, pissed off husband. Hannah fed her and all was right with the world. I managed to curb my anger while expressing my extreme displeasure with the situation in which she had left me without putting a paul on the rest of Mothers' Day. Juliet was still cranky for the rest of the night though. Juliet's outlook on everything seemed to have taken a decidedly sour flavor. Anyway, I prepared our Mothers' Day feast. I made Filet Mignon with Sauteed mushrooms, tail of lobster with moderately clarified butter, hash browns, asparagus spears, and Texas toast. It was the most complex meal I had made in years and everything came out perfectly. I was shocked. All in all I guess our first Mothers' Day was a success. |
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